50 Creepy 3.75” Star Wars Toys (Part V):  10-1

We've made it to the end of our list of 50 Creepy 3.75" Star Wars Toys!

If you missed them, feel free to check out previous parts:
PART I, 50-41
PART II, 40-31
PART III, 30-21
PART IV, 20-11.

We reveal our top 10 toys today, again sprinkling in a few [Creepy] Missing in Action Figure candidates that could conceivably be made some day, but probably not.

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Remember that scene where Anakin/Vader was on the operating table, squirming in complete agony, while the medical droids who lacked Bedside Manner 101 programming poked and prodded at his burnt flesh and charred stumpy appendages? And remember how Anakin looked on in terror as he got fitted with his new life-giving suit of torture and pain? Yeah? Remember that? Well, you can recreate every moment of Anakin's personal nightmare with this figure, complete with operating table. Surround the figure with the full suite of maniacal medical droids, and display Anakin in various stages of his final transformation into Darth Vader.

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Here it is. Arguably the granddaddy of them all. Poor Ponda Baba's arm was the first dismemberment in what would become a tradition throughout The Saga. Baba also served as the first on screen victim of a lightsaber in cinema history. Of course there's the whole "different hand" debacle, in which Mr. Walrus was supposed to have flippers, but the pick up shot of the severed arm had a five-fingered hand. And then there's the blood. There probably shouldn't be blood. We can forgive Lucas's transgression from back in 1977, when all he had was some duct tape and a ViewFinder to make Star Wars. Anyway, Hasbro gave us all the options to display Ponda Baba before and after the "Slash-Heard-'Round-the-World," including a bloodied forearm. Well done!

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This figure hits a trifecta. It's a creepy ghostly vision, it can suffer a beheading, and it's got a breakaway mask to reveal the horrific visage of Luke himself. When I was a kid, this scene always confused me, but now, all I focus on is the slow-motion and weird 70's sci-fi electronic music. This figure forgoes the ghostly transparency of previous iterations of Dark Side Cave of Evil Darth Vader, but executes the head and facemask particularly well. It's a well done figure representing one of the creepier moments from the OT.

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Although released, repainted, and resculpted multiple times, the 2002 SAGA "Battle on Hoth" multipack is the only place to get a Tauntaun with a split belly that includes spillable guts. The innards are actually repainted (or, more accurately, re-cast) from the original accessory that came with the Acklay. As discussed earlier in the countdown, the Acklay's guts didn't ever appear on screen, but Hasbro felt it was appropriate to include them. Perhaps that was just a throwaway accessory, as the real payoff to that "tooling" comes with its inclusion with this Tauntaun. The species didn't fare all that well in ESB. Luke's steed was mauled and then eaten, while Han's froze to death and then served as a tortilla for Luke's burrito filling. Eh, that description might be grosser than the toy.

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Hasbro took lightsaber slashing to a new level when they created this break apart Geonosian warrior. As part of a two pack with a rather terrible two-blade wielding Anakin, this figure can be sliced and diced into 3 separate pieces, including a rather gory look at the interior anatomy of the unfortunate warrior. Seems like Lucas created the Geonosians as a step up from the disposable emotionless battle droid fodder, but making them insectoid definitely fell short of eliciting any sympathetic feelings from viewers. That is, unless you've met Klik-Klak from the Rebels episode where he is the last of his kind after the Imperial genocide on Geonosis. He was a sweetheart. Bugs are people, too, Hasbro!

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After the, uh, "tri-section" action provided via the previous figure on the list, a simple bisection might not be all its cracked up to be. But the moment it happened on screen, it was a game changer for Star Wars. Stepping up from the typical hand or arm dismemberment, Lucas gave us this moment when Obi-Wan sliced Darth Maul in half across his midsection. Maul seemed just as surprised as the audience, but not quite as delighted, particularly when his separated halves tumbled down the reactor shaft into oblivion, never to be seen again. Or did they?

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Speaking of bisection, Snoke seems an obvious choice for such a figure. I recall when the figure was debuted at HASCON in 2017, Chris got a close up look at it, but before he could really check it out, the Hasbro reps pulled it away because he wasn't supposed to see under the robes. After viewing TLJ, I assumed it was because the figure could be split in half, just like Darth Maul, and they didn't want to reveal that particular spoiler. Alas, the Snoke figure which re-launched TVC in 2018 did not have such a feature. (And I still have no idea why the Hasbro team was so skittish about Chris seeing the figure up close.). Given the disaster of the TVC re-launch wave, it's highly unlikely we'll ever see this version of Snoke. It's not Hasbro's fault in this case. Snoke was definitely desired by collectors, but by the time the figure actually hit shelves, the character's stock had plummeted after his surprising and ignominious end. Perhaps in 2043 Hasbro will revisit, you know, when TLJ is a cult classic.

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The figures themselves are nothing gory or creepy. What they lack in articulation they more than make up for in sculpt detail and paint. Plus, who doesn't like a figure of a baby alien? I bet some people might be interested in another baby alien from a certain current streaming TV show that rhymes with Shmandalorian, but no rush on that, of course. Anyway, the reason these figures are so high on the list is due to the suggestive horrific nature of their very existence. They are only seen briefly on screen when Anakin emerges from the hut where his mother died. But later, Anakin admits to Padmé that in revenge for his mother's death, he killed every last Tusken. And not just the men, but the women and children, too. So basically, these figures represent Anakin's murderous rage and senseless slaughter of an entire clan of sand people. Neat!

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This EU-inspired comic pack is really one of the more dark and gruesome products ever released by Hasbro. We put these two items together because they go, uh, hand in hand. As the story goes, Koffi Arana was a member of a covert team of post Order 66 Jedi survivors that tried to ambush Darth Vader. A brawl ensued, in which Vader's lightsaber was deactivated by a cortosis blade (that's a thing, I guess) wielded by another Jedi. He then killed that Jedi with his bare hands, took the cortosis blade, and in turn, deactivated several more lightsabers, including Arana's. Tsu Choi then managed to slice off Vader's hand. Weaponless, Vader pretended to surrender. Koffi Arana demanded Bultar Swan's lightsaber so he could end Vader's life, but Swan rebuked him for not following the Jedi way. In a fit of rage, Arana grabbed Swan's lightsaber, and murdered her with it, then turned on Vader. At that moment, Vader used the Force to throw the cortosis blade, which was still gripped by his own severed hand, and impaled Arana in the chest, killing him. Vader eventually killed all 8 of the Jedi present at the ambush.

The comic figure pack included Bultar Swan, who seems to serve no purpose other than to be murdered so Arana could get her lightsaber. The cortosis blade, complete with Vader's severed hand, is included so that you can use it to impale Arana right in the chest, which Hasbro makes possible by sculpting a wound into which the cortosis blade can can be inserted. It's dark stuff, and Hasbro decided to reach into this EU source for the inspiration, so you can have it all in 3.75" scale!

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The impalement feature that Hasbro made as part of the Koffi Arana & Bultar Swan comic pack certainly opens the doors for some pretty nifty action figures. Say what you will about The Last Jedi, but I was a big fan of the Rey/Kylo vs. Praetorian Guard melée which ensued after Snoke's bisection. Lots of lightsaber violence in that scene. There was a moment in particular where Rey tossed her lightsaber to Kylo Ren, who was in a chokehold by the last guard. He promptly ignited (Luke's) lightsaber directly into the left eye of that Praetorian. Hasbro really blew it by not giving 3.75" collectors the full lineup of guards. That would be one scene that would make a really cool shelf setup.

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Turns out Kylo Ren is pretty good at impaling people with sudden lightsaber ignitions. He did the same to his dear ol' dad. We certainly don't have a proper "regular" TFA Han Solo at all, so if Hasbro ever did get around to it, they might as well add this feature. Thankfully for Ben Solo, he was able to see the light and redeem himself of his patricidal behavior. All is forgiven!

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We've already got a bisectable Darth Maul, but throw the guy a bone. Before getting his flesh wound, he was doling out his own lightsaber justice. A fast and brutal thrust with one of the double blades did the maverick Jedi in. As discussed previously, Hasbro could consider a funeral pyre Qui-Gon, but why stop there? Might as well give us the mortally wounded version of Mr. Jinn so we could tell the entire story of his death on our shelves.

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Sideshow beat Hasbro to the punch with their spectacular Premium Format statue of Yoda retrieving his just-thrown lightsaber from the chest of a 501st Legion clone trooper during their post-Order 66 infiltration of the ruins of the Jedi Temple. I seriously want this as a two pack. I have that Sideshow statue, and it's one of my favorite pieces in my collection. But 3.75" figures are my first love, and I await Hasbro's delivery of my #1 most wanted figure(s).

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Before we get to #1, here's an honorable mention that is a late addition to the list due to feedback from readers (and Chris). During the POTF2 era, Hasbro gave us EV-9D9 and 8D8, two droids that served Jabba the Hutt in his palace. In the palace dungeon, they proceeded to torture droids, apparently for fun. EV-9D9 was the ring leader, and seemed to derive pleasure from sentencing other droids to miserable tasks. 8D8 can be seen applying a branding iron to a disturbingly terrified GNK droid's feet, as it squirms and screams in pain. Nevermind why droids seemed capable of experiencing pain in the first place.

It's worth mentioning that Kenner not only had given us these figures in the original vintage line, they went so far as to offer a playset of Jabba's dungeon. Repurposed from an earlier release, this one added the branding iron (which Hasbro later modernized and included as an accessory with 8D8). Interestingly, the original text on the Kenner packaging bragged about the feature with the text "The branding iron will torture any Droids in JABBA’S DUNGEON." This was later amended with a sticker to read "Use the branding iron on any Droids in JABBA’S DUNGEON." Apparently someone thought that "torture" wasn't appropriate for a kid's toy in 1983. By 1997, Hasbro disregarded that prudish nonsense, declaring on EV-9D9's cardback that her weapon of choice was "mechanical torture." By the way, Chris wants a TVC EV-9D9. Breaking news, I know.

And now, on to #1...

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Here it is. #1. The most gruesome 3.75" Star Wars figure made by Hasbro. It's a basic figure, but you get just about everything you need to display Anakin both before and after his epic duel with Obi-Wan Kenobi. You can create a (sort of) basic Anakin with a regular face and a robe that covers his body. But switch out the head, remove the robes, and lose the shins and arms, and you've got a burnt, stubby, nightmare of a paraplegic volcano victim. He's the stuff of nightmares. Scorched skin, tattered clothes melted onto his body, 3 missing limbs, the exposed mechanical right forearm/hand, and a face bereft of hair and utterly scarred and burnt almost beyond recognition. His piercing eyes are filled with hate. Anakin looks like he barely survived the apocalypse.

Revenge of the Sith earned the saga's first PG-13 rating, almost entirely due to the scene where Anakin is burned and mutilated. Hasbro seized the day, and transformed that epically disturbing moment into an action figure. Kudos, Hasbro!

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Well, that's it. Did we leave any out? Anything else that might be on the list of figures that Hasbro could possibly one day produce? There's probably not much that could shock collectors at this point. Of course, the state of TVC is currently not conducive to such frivolous offerings, but who knows what the future may bring?

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