50 Creepy 3.75” Star Wars Toys (Part I):  50-41

Star Wars was always meant to appeal to children and adults alike, as has been the mission for the modern Hasbro 3.75" toys that were inspired by The Saga. But while we all enjoy the themes of good vs. evil, friendship, family, redemption, and hope, there are plenty of dark moments that pop up in the films and other media. Star Wars features lots of death and destruction, even as far down the spectrum as genocide. There are instances of murder, slavery, and torture. Viewers are treated to plenty dismemberments, beheadings, and bisections. There's blood and gore. We see immolations and burns. We visit hospitals to get up close viewings of emergency treatments, bionic implants, births, and deaths. We also get several funerals, which sometimes include burning bodies. Amazingly, Hasbro has chosen so many of these as sources for their figures and toys, it almost boggles the mind. They even mine the old EU for some of these items, as if there weren't enough opportunities just from the films alone. It's all great stuff for collectors, but if you stop and think about it, you wonder whatever happened to children being the target audience.

We are presenting our list of the 50 Most Gruesome 3.75" Star Wars Toys, over the course of the rest of this week. They're not always gross, but some of the products make you wish you were a fly on the wall during the pitch and design meetings.

Plus, as a bonus, we've got a special version of one of our favorite features, [Creepy] Missing in Action Figure. We'll let you know the top 15 gruesome figures that Hasbro should make.

Enough with the nonsense. Let's begin the countdown with numbers 50-41.

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We start our countdown by cheating a bit, and combining 3 figures into a virtual tie. They probably don't qualify as gruesome, but death certainly didn't stop these guys from becoming toys.

Yoda is first up because his was the least violent death of the three, and he had plenty of time to relax and prepare for his transition to become one with the Force by taking a nap after getting tucked in by Luke. 1998 Yoda is obviously in dire need of an update when compared to his modern counterparts.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was the first of the characters to appear on screen as a Force Ghost, when he presented himself to Luke on Hoth. Luke was passed out and near death, when suddenly Obi-Wan woke him up out of his stupor. Did he offer survival advice? Words of encouragement? A cup of hot chocolate? No, he gave Luke a list of things to do. Thanks, jerk. To be fair, if a ghost showed up and told me to do stuff, I'd probably do it.

Anakin is the most recent Hasbro release. Of course, that's not without controversy. He's the second version of Anakin's Ghost to be made into a figure, with the first having the original Sebastian Shaw likeness. No need to get into all the weird questions that the Special Edition made us ask about Jedi Ghosts that we never needed to ask back in 1993. Either version completes your preferred ending to Return of the Jedi. Like Yoda, the Sebastian Shaw version is woefully inadequate, but is unlikely to see an update.

Hasbro might, one day, consider some kind of exclusive multipack, with all the Force Ghosts updated to be of consistent coloring and style. Anakin (Shaw and Hayden), Yoda, Obi-Wan, Luke, and Leia.

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An accessory, rather than a full figure, it manages to be pretty gross. It was included with the 2003 "Ultra" Wampa figure, which was great at the time as it also came with a well sculpted piece of the ice cave, and was interactive with a contemporary Luke Skywalker figure. The accessory in question is some large piece of what's left of the freshly killed tauntaun. It's bloody, and sculpted with stringy meat that is intended to work as if the Wampa is pulling it with his teeth. Along with the Wampa's bloody chin, it makes for a pretty creepy toy.

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One of the stranger alien designs, Amanaman was like a Kris Kross between Gumby and a salamander. But weirder yet is that he drags around a decomposing carcass like a child drags around his wubby. This represents a classic blunder akin to getting involved in a land war in Asia: Never underestimate Amanaman. Personally, I'd give a wide birth to anyone who accessorizes with a real skeleton.

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So it's not without precedent that skeletons exist in the line, thanks to Amanaman. If Hasbro could include a decomposed corpse as an accessory for a background alien, why not just go all out and make a special two-pack of the scorched remains of Luke's Aunt and Uncle? It was a pivotal moment that kickstarted Luke's galactic adventures. We need these figures to be able to recreate that moment on a shelf.

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I saw ESB when I was very young, but the moment that Luke flexed his new bionic gears stuck with me. The little hatch that was open on his forearm, which showed his new mechanical gears, was pretty creepy. I know it wasn't meant to be scary, but it definitely weirded me out. And 28 years later, I could own an action figure with exposed bionic innards. Neat! Nevermind the additional fact that this figure is basically a guy in a removable bathrobe. Exactly what the kids need!

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Dannik Jericho appeared on screen in the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina as a calm dude smoking a pipe and generally minding his business. However, in the old EU, this guy was a living nightmare. Looking nearly indistinguishable from a human, members of the Anzati species had hidden proboscises in their cheeks. After using a form of telepathy to dull their victim's minds, they would shoot these tendrils into the nostrils of humans, and drink the life-giving "soup" from their brains. Anzats were also extremely long-lived, with Jericho himself being over 1000 years old.

Not satisfied with his peaceful appearance on screen, Hasbro opted to mine the EU and include removable proboscises, giving us an ancient, brain-sucking vampire as an action figure. When the tendrils are removed, you're left with unsightly holes in Jerriko's face, which in and of themselves are pretty gross looking.

Apparently Disney decided Mr. Jerriko needed a complete makeover more in line with their family-friendly values. According to Wookieepedia, he is now officially a "male mutant human bureaucrat." On second thought, maybe that's more terrifying.

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Speaking of creepy nightmarish characters, here's another one that Hasbro could consider developing into an action figure. The Decraniated were creations of none other than Dr. Cornelius Evazan. His "patients" were stripped of their identities and sold into servitude. Physically, it's as if the top half of their heads were removed, and replaced with a flat "helmet" that provided their brain function. Super weird! A couple of the Decraniated made their first on screen appearance in Jedha City in Rogue One, but were first chronologically in Solo as servants to Dryden Vos. After Dannik Jerriko, there's certainly no reason Hasbro couldn't give us another figure to disturb our dreams.

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The first release of Nexu included a bloody wound in his underbelly. Acquired from either Padmé's kick or Reek's horn (or both), there' nothing like sculpting and painting a mortal injury into a child's toy. For whatever reason, this "feature" was nixed when the Nexu was re-released as part of a large Arena beast set. So you could recreate the moments when the Nexu was happily murdering Geonosians and scraping off Padmé's skin, or you could go for the moments it was beaten, bloodied, and killed. Good stuff.

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Sometimes Hasbro went the extra mile when it came to things that are gross. When Obi-Wan was able to kill the Acklay during the arena battle, he first sliced off both of its forelimbs with his lightsaber, gave it a nice uppercut slash, and then for good measure, he gave a strong downward stab, probably through the head. Obi-Wan pretty much went berzerk on the poor thing; very un-Jedi-like. Interestingly, when it came time to make the toy, Hasbro skipped the opportunity to include detachable forelimbs. No, that wasn't gory enough. Instead, they dipped into their famous well of "just off-screen moments", and opted to include some innards that appear to be a stomach, intestines, and whatever else is part of Acklay physiology, so that you could pretend that Obi-Wan spilled the creature's guts onto the arena floor. Hasbro must have giggled their way through this design process, including something icky that wasn't even on film. And they were so proud of their efforts, they repainted these guts to be used in a later toy.

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So Hasbro had already made a few ghosts of the deceased, but not satisfied with that, they went as far as making a dead guy's clothes. Included with this TAC Darth Vader is a hard plastic version of Obi-Wan's robes, which were left on the floor of the Death Star after the occupant decided to become one with The Force. Anakin seems confused by this turn of events, possibly wondering where the boots went, but gathers himself rather quickly. Not quickly enough, it seems, to make it through the closing hallway doors, however. C'mon, man! Keep your head in the game! Anyway, Obi-Wan didn't need those old physical robes, as he was just fine with some new Forcey duds that were just like them. Apparently there's a good tailor that is also one with the Force. Anyway, thanks, Hasbro!

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The countdown will continue soon. Stay tuned!

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