Star Wars: Droids Review, Episode 13

We start out, still on Roon, with Mungo and the droids riding on a big camel/centipede with Auren Yomm's father. They're still looking for those darn Roon stones. If you remember last week, Mungo threw a bunch of valuable Roon Stones overboard instead of the dead hack comedian droid. This is really starting to seem like Mungo is just using the Roon Stones as an excuse to get his game on with Auren. Anyway, 3PO plays the classic cartoon "pull random things from the trees game", which is exactly as funny as it sounds. He pulls, in sequence, a beehive, a chimp, and R2-D2. Classic stuff. Their comedy cavalcade is interrupted when they see Governor Koong's ship spreading a germ cloud through the valley.

Admiral Screed is none too pleased by this biological attack. Apparently, the Empire doesn't believe in that type of savagery. We can see why, when a leak on the ship allows the agent to threaten Koong and the Imperials. Screed and his troopers happen to have gas masks, and Gaff is immune, but Koong is not so lucky and is infected. To find a cure, he sends Gaff to get Auren's father. Apparently he's a doctor or something. After a decent fight, they capture Nilz and Auren and leave Mungo and the droids with Auren's infected mother. Fortunately, Mungo is able to slip some putty into her pants.

Mungo uses the putty to track Auren, who has been taken to Koong's volcano lair. Things are not going well for the governor. Not only is he dying, but Admiral Screed is getting ready to take his Imperial troops and abandon Koong to his enemies. Mungo decides to enter the volcano in the most dangerous way possible, which leaves their ship crashed into the side. He and the droids sneak in a side entrance where they find a carnival mirror that scares C-3PO, but unlocks the secret to finding the Roon Stones. Apparently 3PO never thought to read it backwards. The mirror also shrinks R2-D2.

It took 13 episodes, but we've finally hit rock bottom. I can accept Hyperspace, Lightsabers, and mystical energy sources. But mirrors that shrink stuff? It's just too cartoony and magical. It doesn't fit with anything else in Star Wars. It would be like Han Solo finding a necklace that turns him invisible. I'm glad this show ended after this.

Anyway, Mungo and C-3PO dress up like hooded pie salesmen to get past Koong's guards. They flick tiny R2 through the HVAC system and right into the lab where Auren and her father are working on the cure. R2 helps them escape, and Nilz sprays the cure on Gaff, which gets him super high. There's trouble brewing because the guards are out of pie, but C-3PO distracts them by drawing their attention to the escaping Yomms. Good call, jerk. But the guards are no match for a combination of a robe and more of that cure stuff. This guy does not seem worried about running out.

Koong is literally fading away, but tries to entice Screed by showing him his "Arial Drilling Platform." Dude, that's a gun. Just call it a gun. Mungo and friends almost have a clear shot at Mungo's ship, but baked Gaff shows up. Mungo attempts to bargain with Koong for the cure, but he put the droids in control of the big gun with no real instructions. R2 takes the opportunity to try and kill Admiral Screed, but instead they uncover the cache of Roon Stones buried in the walls of the volcano. Finally, we've found the source of Roon Stones that we all care so much about! When Screed informs Koong that he plans on seizing the treasure, Koong loses it and decides to destroy them all instead. So, for the second week in a row, these valuable treasures are wasted. We learn that Roon Stones + lava equals ice? OK. But also once the lava freezes the volcano lair will get too cold to inhabit. So, everyone gets the heck out of there. Feeling a last pang of compassion, Mungo gives Koong the cure, but it's too late. Vowing revenge, he succumbs to the disease and evaporates.

Despite that rather gruesome end, everyone else gets out OK. Mungo gets mouth kissed, which is pretty graphic for Star Wars, but still decides to go back home. He decides to leave the droids there. Presumably this would have set up season two with the droids once again finding a new master, but we'll never know. No doubt enraged by the magic shrinking mirror, the network cancelled the series. We are left to imagine what might have been. Maybe they could have framed Darth Vader for shoplifting or gone fishing with Obi-Wan Kenobi. These are both legitimate things that might have happened in season two.

If we overlook the glaring silliness, this episode isn't the worst one. It's an unsatisfying ending to both the series and the entire Roon arc, but it clearly was not meant as a series finale. Even though Mungo was boring, I still think he's got more depth than Jann Tosh or Thall Joben. This show was just never able to find the right lead character. Screed continued to steal the show, but this was Koong's best episode as well. His death is downright disturbing. It's interesting that a show like this would use germ warfare as a plot device, but it generally works without getting too hung up on it. The Roon Stone plot line ended up being a big tease. It would have been nice to have a little bit of closure there. Also, what happened to LIN-D? Did he ever make it big? Did he and R2 stay in touch through the events of the Original Trilogy?

So, that's it. No more Droids reviews, and we never have to speak of this show again. Until Hasbro gets around to making a realistic Admiral Screed in the Vintage Collection.

Best Moment: 18:48 We have to go with R2-D2 once again using his patented charge move to take out an enemy. He's more useful than C-3PO and Porkins put together.

Most WTF Moment: 11:19 OK, forgetting about the shrinky mirror, C-3PO has a storage compartment behind his circle thing? Like Bender? I call Shenanigans.

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