So You’re A Bitter Curmudgeon And Can’t Stand The Sequels, What Now?

I am not a fan of the Sequel Trilogy. Anyone that has read my comments over the years is aware of that, and I'm not going to expound upon my utter disdain for them. If you want a breakdown of everything that is wrong with the ST, there are tons of breakdowns on the interwebs. My purpose here is to help you (and me) move on from this chapter of the Star Wars universe.

First, some background. I grew up with the Original Trilogy. I was pretty young when A New Hope was released, so The Empire Strikes Back was my introduction to the series. I saw Episode 4 a little while later when it was on network television. My parents took me to a friend's house where a bunch of families were gathered to watch "Star Wars," as Episode 4 was commonly known then. It was a big deal. During this era, I was hooked. When Return of the Jedi came out, I loved it, and I wanted everything Kenner made. When the flow of toys stopped, I was sad, but moved on to other properties from the 80s; there were so many. Eventually I aged out, but I never stopped loving Star Wars, and would watch any of the films every chance I had. My torch never stopped burning; I carried it everywhere. Yada yada yada...I have a huge modern collection, seen all the prequels 4 times in the theater, read novels, and play the video games.

Here's the point of my writing: the sequels are not the first utterly horrible additions to Star Wars lore. In fact, there has been a lot of absolute dreck. Let's start with a video game. Raise your hand if you played Masters of Teras Kasi (hand raised). Playing as Luke or Vader and fighting a Gamorrean Guard would be ridiculous if the rules of the Star Wars universe applied. That piggy would be sliced or choked in a single motion. That doesn't make for fun gameplay. Even with the parity between characters, the game was still second-rate fighter.


The largest source of very bad Star Wars comes from the Expanded Universe. I can name many novels, stories, comics, cartoons from the EU that I and many others greatly enjoy. But there is so much in the EU, and not all of it can be on the right side of the Force. If you've never read one of the old Star Wars novels written by Barbara Hambly, count yourself lucky. Children of the Jedi and Planet of Twilight are so dreadful that I gag a little anytime I see mention of them. While those are probably the two worst novels, The Crystal Star is right there with them. That dumpster fire produced the worst character in all of Star Wars - the being called Waru. I'm not just proclaiming Waru to be the worst thing in all of Star Wars. Pre-Disney, it was consensus by anyone that actually read the novel. While these three in particular are horrible offenders, there are dozens more that range from terrible, to disappointing, to just plain boring. Sure, Heir to the Empire and Republic Commando are some of the best additions to Star Wars lore, but they don't exist in a vacuum.

So what does all this mean? I read all those awful novels. I played the bad video games. I watched the second-generation Clone Wars cartoon that committed atrocious offenses like having a previously confirmed Darth Maul inexplicably reappear, and whatever that garbage was with the Father, Brother, and Sister. None of those things lessened my enjoyment of the Original Trilogy. When I watch those films, I don't think about the awful media at all. What sticks with me is heart of the films, the experience of being brought into the universe playing Knights of the Old Republic, the thrill of getting a new super-articulated 3.75" action figure, the reverence for the art of Ralph McQuarrie. Star Wars is vast, and in some circles is even a religion. But like Martin Luther I reject the stifling nonsense of the church (Lucasfilm/Disney) and openly receive the Force. Ignoring a movie trilogy that I think is Waru-bad is just another day. There will most likely be more good Star Wars to come, but if not I will still be faithful to what I enjoyed before. Even Tom Brady's six Superbowl wins pales in comparison to the triumph of Star Wars. (Editor's note: I swear I didn't put him up to this.)

Now that I have that off my chest, I can go back to yelling at clouds.

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