We're finally to the end of the first round and I'm getting angrier and angrier. Not so much with the results, but with having to contribute all this content. Now I know why Chris and Bret are always so grumpy.
Baze Malbus Imperial Praetorian Guardvs SM-33
I’m not making a new image.
Let’s go down to Jim Ross at ringside:
With Baze Malbus disqualified, SM-33 is prancing around the ring like a Georgia peach congratulating himself on a victory. But what’s this?
Bah gawd, that’s the Praetorian Guard’s music! Folks, we’re about to see a real slobberknocker here!
EV-9D9 vs Dash Rendar
EV-9D9 gains a point for being EV-9D9 and Dash Rendar loses a point for not being EV-9D9. So on paper, this looks like a no contest. But some people can’t seem to get enough of Temu Han Solo.
Fozec vs Amanaman
It’s always a little frustrating when we get two characters from the same source paired up in the first round. Amanaman has the O96 factor and he’s one of the less human-looking in Star Wars. Fozec’s a guy. He’s a guy we need- and who is much more visible in the palace than one might initially assume- but at the end of the day he’s just a guy.
It’s tough that one of these respectable gents has to go home while a schmuck like Savage Opress will probably hang around for two more rounds.
Chancellor Palpatine (Arrest) vs Ruescott Melshi
I’m not really sure what is exciting about Palpatine’s Jedi Arrest outfit and at this point I’m afraid to ask. Is this actually unmade? I guess he’s important since he interacts well with several PT Jedi that haven’t been updated in 15 years. I will say I was surprised to see Melshi make it. I take it as more a demand for Scarif Rebels than an endorsement of this particular character. I don’t care for his first name.
Plo Koon vs Ezra (Lothal)
Plo Koon is one of those Prequel Jedi that was in heavy rotation from 2005-2010, but the previous versions are pretty rough by today’s standards. Ezra is a little putz who uses a stapler as a lightsaber. People want that for some reason.
Shasa Tiel vs Qi’ra
The existence of a POTF2 Ishi Tibb figure based on a background appearance in the Home One briefing scene rather than this prominent member of Jabba’s retinue is one of the weirdest footnotes in Star Wars action figure history. It feels like an accident.
Qi’ra is a character from Solo that isn’t Therm Scissorpunch, so I’m not sure what the point is. This figure only feels relevant if we get that Lando’s Cape Closet playset that has been dominating fan polls since 2015. But let's all just take a moment to remember how good the first few seasons of Game of Thrones were.
Pong Krell vs Ezra (Peridea)
Guest Analysis from a second grader with ADHD:
The Dindosaur is big and goes roar and has four hands and vroom lightsabers. Ponk Rell is my favorite. 6-7. There’s a boy in my class named Ezdra who eats crayons and one time he brought a dead bird to school in his backpack and he had to go see the special talking teacher. I’m gonna play Roblox now.