Stop The Whining You Must

When Bantha Skull Strikes Back was launched we stated that we weren’t going to exclusively strike back at (read whine about) Hasbro. Honestly, we had fertile ground to strike at Hasbro in 2012, but they’ve worn us out and beaten us down. We quit. With Hasbro, that is. But we’re still angry. And today, we’re angry at YOU! Well maybe not you you, but some of you.

When the acquisition by Disney was announced, yes, we had our “we fear change” moment of trepidation. But once we returned to our senses, we started to see the immediate good in this deal. If you’re still whining about the acquisition today, just shut it. You’re embarrassing yourself.

In debates, you’re supposed to start off with your second best argument and conclude with your strongest argument with all your B grade material sandwiched in between. We say “nuts to that.” We’re starting off right at the top with the only argument we really need to make: The Avengers. The movie that sunk Hasbro’s Battleship and scared GI Joe into 2013 comes from under the Disney umbrella. If Episode 7 is half as fan gratifying as the Avengers, it will be ten times better than The Phantom Menace. I would express how much better it would be than Attack of the Clones, but I don’t know how to express scientific notation in HTML.

Next, the notion that the Star Wars movies will somehow become Disney-fied is utterly ridiculous. The Ears are not going to start encroaching into the movies and associated products. That would be as ludicrous as suggesting that Nabisco would purchase Microsoft just so they can sneak some Oreo product placement into Window 8. Disney did not spend $4 billion on Lucasfilm just to make a few more million on Disney products. They bought Lucasfilm because of the revenue it can generate on its own.

And lastly, how will they maximize that revenue? By pandering to their audience. Normally it stinks when a filmmaker sells out. But only if your are not their target demo. If you’re not a tween and a franchise panders to tweens, you’re probably not going to enjoy two hours of shirtless British guys fighting over Kristen Stewart. Alright look, I’ve never seen a Twilight movie, but that’s what Family Guy led me to believe they consist of. And if I can’t believe Family Guy, I don’t know who to believe. In this case, you are probably one of the audiences Disney via Lucasfilm is going to sell out to. They’re going to give you, me, and everyone who once received a set of 3PO Underoos for Christmas exactly what we’re looking for. They have to. There’s too much money on the line. So stop your whining. Be thankful. Star Wars is now forever.