Bantha Skull’s Fans’ Choice Nominees Announced

1. Yak Face (Saelt Marae)

Keith Jackson referred to the Rose Bowl as the “granddaddy of them all”.  Most of our readership is either too old or too young to effectively remember 1985.  But those of us who think that fat boldly colored laces on untied high tops is a sharp look, we remember it well.  And for us, the POTF ‘85 Yak Face figure is the grandaddy of them all.  It’s the one bona fide holy grail of the vintage era.  It’s not some deviant production variation like a double telescoping this or vinyl-caped that.  No one has time for such nonsense.  It’s not some cartoony bird-fish mutant figure that was only produced in the rainforests of Brazil (and would likely be shipped with an Arachnophobia super spider that snuck into the bubble). This was an honest to goodness movie-based figure that was super rare all on its own and not because of a short term production variation. 

When Yak Face was released for a second time in 1997, it set the internet on fire.  Literally.  The lone Cisco Router that supplied internet to the entire eastern seaboard at the time burst into flames.  That figure is wretched, and, according to Bantha Skull standards, does not count as a modern figure since it predates Power of the Jedi. It’s time for a modern super articulated update to this legendary action figure.  And Hasbro, please, please, please figure out someway to get us a reproduction of the bi-lingual Canadian POTF ‘85 Yak Face card. It would make one heck of a redemption figure.

2. Emperor Palpatine (Episode VI)

Hey Hasbro, I’m a little cheesed off that I have to write this one up.  WHY DON’T WE HAVE THIS ALREADY?!? There are probably 50 slots from the previous incarnation of The Vintage Collection that would have been better served by an Emperor Palpatine figure.  Having to waste a Fans’ Choice nomination on such a no-brainer figure is like getting a book for Christmas.  Just give us our ROTJ-based Emperor Palpatine figure already.

And none of your Hasbro games.  No getting wacky with the color of the robes.  Palpatine’s garb is black on black on black.  On black.  We don’t want to see some brown Lenny Kravitz waist coat creeping in here somewhere either.  We don’t care what the LFL archivists tell you.  And get the dang hood right will you? No hard plastic hood that floats a quarter of an inch over the figure’s head, and no soft goods hood that is twenty sizes too big.  We want a hood that is the equivalent of Mr. Pitt’s ideal athletic sock.

3. Uncle Owen

Uncle Owen, who also went under the alias “Old Uncle Owen”, is a rarity in the history of Star Wars figures.  It’s one of the few characters who had more than a few lines of dialog that has only been made once since 1978.  And that one figure was pathetic.  Children, gather ‘round.  And old man is about to give you a history lesson.  You see, way back in 1997, Hasbro gave us these abominations called “Cinema Scenes”.  They were three packs that represented a particular scene from the Original Trilogy.  The problem is that these figures were often even lower quality than the abysmal POTF2 mainline figures. The lone Uncle Owen figure we received is horrific.  The figure’s right arm is permanently posed like an old timey prospector in mid “yer darn tootin’’ exclamation, and the paint apps are bootleg bad.  It was re-released once, to the best of my knowledge, in the Toys R Us exclusive Lars Homestead set. I could tell you about that figure, but I threw it away.  No joke.  Straight in the garbage.

We did get a half-measure super articulated Uncle Owen figure with the SOTDS comic pack which featured truck-a-saurus Darth Maul.  But that figure isn’t the old Original Trilogy Uncle Owen we want.  That was more of a fat Chris Pratt Uncle Owen. We want the real deal, cantankerous, A New Hope Uncle Owen and we want it right darn now!  Or sometime in 2018.  Whichever works out best for you, Hasbro.

4 (tie). Klaatu (in Skiff Guard Outfit)

So we go from Palpatine at #2, who I didn’t want to write up, to Klatuu at #4, who I don’t know how to write up.  The vintage figure was called Klaatu (in Skiff Guard Outfit), so that’s what we’re sticking with here. This was to differentiate the figure from Wooof which was also titled as Klaatu (minus any parenthetical sub designation) in the vintage days.  Despite the wardrobe designation in the vintage name pill, these are two distinct characters.

To clear up the confusion, the “everybody gets a name” department at LFL started calling this flavor of Klaatu “Yotts Orren” (and Klaatu was the species). That turned out to be entirely too convenient. Now Yotts Orren is some other jerk who is barely in the movie.  Oh, and the species isn’t Klaatu anymore.  All these fellers is a subspecies of Nikto (Kadas’sa’Nikto). Klaatu is back to being a character name.  This character.  The Kadas’sa’Nikto skiff guard in the white Donna Summer jump suit who attacks Luke on the deck of the Sail Barge.  Say, Hasbro, that reminds me:  How’s the Sail Barge coming?

4 (tie). Taym Dren-garen

If you record yourself saying “Taym Dren-garen” and then play it backwards, it comes out “Channing Tatum”.  I have no idea how or why.  It’s one of those phonetic anomalies. Weird.  Anyway, here is the first never before made figure in our Fans’ Choice nominations. There’s another never before made figure coming up below, but you’re never going to guess it. Unless you guessed Tonnika Sisters in which case you did guess it. 

You might better know this particular sail barge combatant as the man who put a hole in Luke’s hand. He fires the blaster bolt that catches Luke directly on the back of his cybernetic right hand.  So while the character’s humanness keeps him from standing out among the other more exotic skiff guards, he plays a pivotal role in the Saga. The figure would look great posed on the deck of the Sail Barge.  Say, Hasbro, that reminds me. How’s the Sail Barge coming?

6. Tonnika Sister

Brea and Senni. Senni and Brea. These two cantina denizens are driving me crazy, and we need to do something about it.  Ever since Hasbro said they were prevented from making Tonnika Sisters figures due to a likeness rights issue, fans have been demanding that they be made.  Perhaps Hasbro should have said that fans weren’t allowed to buy Constable Zuvio. 

One important aspect of the Tonnika Sisters is that they take up residence on the left side of the cantina bar (from the camera’s perspective).  We actually have very few figures from that side of the house, so this would be a welcome addition to our cantina displays.  I’m not really sure which particular sister we are nominating here, but does it really matter?  With the sixth pick* in the 2017 Fans’ Choice poll, Bantha Skull takes whichever Tonnika Sister for which LFL owns the likeness rights, and we will trade our 2018 pick for a Tonnika Sister to be named later. Say, Hasbro, that reminds me. How’s the Sail Barge coming?

* The pick was acquired from the New York Jets in exchange for the rights to Jay Novacek