Quick Recap: Star Wars Visions Episodes 1 - 3

Posted by Chris on 09/23/21 at 07:05 AM Category: Disney+

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Let me preface these reviews by saying that, aside from Star Blazers, I've never been a huge fan of anime. I like a full 24 animated images per second, dagnabbit. None of this 12 images per second nonsense. So let this bias be known before we dive in.

Episode 1: The Duel

This episode is mostly done in black and white, with the only color coming from some electronic lights, blaster bolts and saber blades. The art work is amazing. It's stylized to look like an older movie, specifically a Kurosawa movie. The visuals are breathtaking. The episode also has thematic similarities to Seven Samurai where bandits besiege a peaceful village. Only instead of hiring Samurai to defend the village, a character named Ronin comes to their defense. In feudal Japan, a rōnin was a wandering samurai who had no lord or master.

The bandits are lead by a female Sith who uses a lightsaber that resembles a parasol (it's really cool). She dispatches the village's primary guardian, a Trandoshan, and disables a second, an RA-7 droid. This prompts Ronin to action, where he uses The Force to thwart the lady Sith's initial attack, leading her to gleefully declare that her adversary is a Jedi. Ronin replies that he is no Jedi, and reveals that he too is armed with a red lightsaber with a katana style hilt. The battle eventually sees the two dueling on a log floating toward a waterfall whereupon the Sith bandit leader forces Ronin over the edge. He finally bests her with a trap by placing his shoto lightsaber in the hand of a statue. When she approaches to attack, Ronin runs her through from behind.

I was fully immersed in this episode, and was expecting great things from the series.

Grade: A+

Episode 2: Tatooine Rhapsody

I was expecting great things from the series, and then I watched Tatooine Rhapsody. It starts off during the Clone Wars with a padawan, named Jay, fleeing a droid army. After a fall, his lightsaber is damaged and he is dazed. Suddenly a guitar riff howls, and a hulking creature hidden in shadows asks what he is. Jay stammers for an answer as he stares introspectively. After a flickering transition, it's revealed that what he is, is a ROCK STAR! I'm pretty sure CJ wrote this exact story on Banthapedia.

We cut to the band, Star Waver, playing a small concert. That hulking figure from the shadows is revealed to be the band's Hutt bass guitarist named Gee (note: Gee doesn't look like a Hutt, but he is). This is when Boba Fett shows up with Wooof, Weequay, and Velken Tezeri in tow. Fett intends to take Gee back to Jabba the Hutt. The band initially escapes, but Fett always gets his man slug. He informs Gee that he is marked for death for not following his Hutt legacy in the syndicate. Fett leaves with Gee. The remainder of the band wallows in melancholy until Jay convinces them that they have to go after their captured bandmate. On Tatooine, Jay convinces Jabba to let the band play one song before Gee's public execution in the Boonta Eve Grand Arena. The band plays so well that the crowd demands an encore, and the day is saved. In the B plot, their friend Fonzie accepts a challenge to jump a gundark.

Grade: D

Episode 3: The Twins

Tatooine Rhapsody had me on the ropes with this series, and The Twins delivered the knock out blow. I felt this episode was mostly nonsense, and it completely pulled me out of the experience. It features twins who were conceived in the Dark Side. The sister, Am, and the bother, Karre, are in charge of a Gemini-class Star Destroyer. Get it? Gemini. Twins. Of course, this is the same IP that named the fat guy "Porkins", so that's par for the course. The Gemini-class Star Destroyer is basically two Star Destroyers that are joined in the middle by a hyper cannon, which, in true Empire fashion, has planet destroying capabilities. When Am attempts to test the hyper cannon, she learns that its power source has been stolen from the central reactor. The only other person with access to the central reactor is her brother Karre.

Karre was attempting to flee with the kyber crystal that powered the hyper cannon when Am confronts him. If you were perturbed by General Leia surviving the vacuum of space in The Last Jedi, you probably want to skip this episode. Almost the entirety of Am and Karre's battle takes place on the exterior of the Star Destroyer in the vacuum of space. Karre isn't even wearing a helmet. I'm not going to delve into the plot anymore because I just don't care. Again, it's nonsense. Oh, and if you thought the Holdo maneuver was ridiculous, Karre overpowers his lightsaber with a piece of the hyper cannon's kyber crystal and cuts the Star Destroyer in half. I kid you not.

Grade: F (or incomplete because I mentally quit on the episode)

So I don't think this series is for me. I'm not into kitsch, quirk, or camp. I will keep watching in hopes that something else will approach the mastery of The Duel. I will come back to that episode several times, and I encourage everyone to watch that episode at least once. I really hope that Mr. Nomadscout feels inspired to write the recaps of the other six episodes. [Editor’s Note: No chance. I may not even watch this series. If Hasbro wastes new tooling budget on making figures from this nonsense source, I shall pick up a pitchfork and torch and march on Pawtucket!”]