My Complicated Relationship With The Retro Collection

The mere mention of “Retro Collection” evokes a response from me that is similar to Jerry's reaction to Newman:


Whenever I see a Retro Collection figure taking up undeserved residency on a Vintage Collection peg, I get a sense of indignation that is normally reserved for stolen valor. That Retro Collection bum didn't earn those stripes! It even lead me to going on THIS angry rant where I cursed the line's very existence. Yet holding the Retro Collection Dengar in my hands transported me right back to my youth. I can't wait to order the Zuckuss and 4-LOM 2-pack...once it goes on sale (yes, I will clearance vulture Retro).

What this contradiction demonstrates to me is that, according to my sensibilities, Retro Collection definitely has a valid lane, but it's a narrow one. Unfortunately, Hasbro refuses to skate that lane, which is OT only. Hasbro should be making replicas of the vintage Kenner figures while also sprinkling in a few "what should have been figures" like the Retro Grand Moff Tarkin. Please note that I don't personally get a big kick out of those "missed" vintage figures, but I know a lot of the community does. New media Retro figures, on the other hand, make about as much sense to me as Sony starting to make brand new 4:3 CRT televisions. I know I probably just set myself up for someone to point out that the retro-gaming community would probably love it if some television manufacturer made those. Scan lines for the win!

It's at this point that I need to repeat something I wrote in the comments, and I apologize in advance to those who have already read this. To me, Retro Collection is like baby talk. Both are a case of purposeful underachievement, which is only tolerated in very specific circumstances. If an adult were voicing a character in a Rugrats cartoon, we'd certainly understand the use of baby talk. If that same adult were baby talking in normal conversation, we'd avoid them like the plague. When Retro Collection is used to make replicas of vintage Kenner figures, it's acceptable. When it's used to make brand new figures from new media, well...I don't want to say we'd avoid them like the plague, but a quick check of the prices on Amazon shows that they certainly aren't wholeheartedly embraced.

So my take on Retro is nuanced. I was completely opposed to the concept at first, but I now have to admit that it does have a narrow application that can be appreciated. Unfortunately, Hasbro is far exceeding those boundaries. Finally, if Hasbro ever did a Retro wave of Droids figures, I'd think I died and went to heaven. A Jann Tosh figure is quickly becoming my big sideburns Carl Yastrzemski card.

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