March Madness 2026 Championship Spectacular

The reveal of the Orray has stolen some of the thunder of this March Madness final, but we still have plenty to talk about here.



To break down this momentous matchup, we've brought in a panel of illustrious experts.

Charles Barkley

These guys are turrible. Luthen Rael and Pong Krell? Listen. These guys goin' around committing war crimes, and we're supposed to vote for them? Fools talkin' about "Luthen was doing it for a greater good." Give me a break. At least Pong Krell tells some jokes.

Werner Herzog

I see myself in both of these candidates. Luthen is a man who has sacrificed his soul to darkness in order to bring light, but Pong Krell is consumed by his drive for power- indifferent to the cries of those he commands. I too understand that burden of greatness. Voters are drawn to Pong Krell's cruelty. But the true winner will be the relentless cowardly march toward death.

Andy Rooney

You ever wonder why Luthen is named Luthen? Why not Steve? or Paul? And why does Pong Krell have four arms? If you ask me, two arms are plenty. It seems like the more arms you have, the more likely it is that one of them is doing something wrong. And why are we always ignoring the wisdom of the elderly? That's why I'm picking Luthen.

The Dalai Lama

The pathway to inner peace can present us with many choices. The right choice is often the most difficult and requires us each to look inside of ourselves. The candidates before us show us the ugliness of the world. Power without compassion brings suffering; intention matters, but so do actions. But Pong Krell can use two double-bladed lightsabers, and that is pretty cool.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

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Thank you for having me here. I have to say that both of these candidates are really really good...

For me to POOP ON!

Sir Michael Caine

I'll tell you this much: Luthen Rael is an absolute ****. Did me over in a game of snooker back in ’72 at the Eagle on Farringdon Road. He lifted 25 quid and scarpered before I knew what had happened. I vowed revenge, but that's life isn't it. Pong Krell on the other hand is a complete ****ing ****er. Frankly, I wouldn’t lose any sleep if he were strung up for crimes against humanity.

So go vote. And don't complain to me if you don't like the result.

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