Down With Hasbro!! (Not Serious)

Here's a list of one thing that should outrage us all! #1 will shock you!

I was so mad about this I couldn't even post it at the time it was making me so mad. And that made me so mad!

As a collector of all things 501st, I was excited about the reveal of a Hasbro 1:1 Scale ARC Trooper Jesse Helmet. It was announced that it would go up for pre-order at 1PM ET on August 20 at Gamestop. That was the official announcement from Hasbro's press release.

On the 19th, I spent a few hours calculating what that time would be for me here in Phoenix. As you may know, Arizona - being the wild, wacky, maverick, non-conformist, rebellious state that it is - has declared that there shall be no Daylight Savings Time. That's great and all, but whether or not DST should be a thing didn't stop State 48 from breaking with the rest of the US and just ditching it. That means that every day I wake up, and I have to calculate how many hours is the difference with my home back in the Eastern Time Zone. It's a grueling exercise. Am I on Mountain Time today? Am I on Pacific Time? Is it a 3 hour difference with NY, or is it a 2 hour difference? NOBODY KNOWS! It changes every day! You need a star chart and an astrolabe to know what the hell is going on. Plus it's very hot here, so it's hard to concentrate when you're worried about your skin burning off your body because you went outside to check the mail. Or you might get stung by a scorpion, bitten by a rattlesnake, attacked by a herd of javelinas, mauled by a pack of coyotes, and carried away by a Great Horned Owl. And if you manage to survive all that, a gila monster will sneak up on you and kill you anyway. It's rough in these here streets.

I don't remember what I was saying.

Oh yeah. I was preparing for what I calculated to be my 10am ordering time. But I have a meeting at 10:00am at work, so I have to sweat out the meeting, hoping that the countless hordes of Jesse fans will not buy out the available stock before I get a chance. After losing 10 lbs from the stress, my meeting ends and I go online to Gamestop to place my pre-order. No Jesse helmet! "Oh god, they've sold out!" I scream from my office. Everyone within earshot comes running to console me, and tell me that it will be okay. "Maybe they'll come back in stock," they say. "You can always find one on Ebay," they say. Idiots! Nincompoops! They don't know nuthin'...'bout anything.

I was devastated.

But then I come to my senses. I realize that it isn't that the Jesse helmets have sold out, it's that I can't even find the item on the GameStop website. I search for a few minutes. I then go online and check my sources - usually Yakface for such things. This time, I could find no news on what's going on. I asked my team of software engineers to immediately stop what they were doing and quickly write a script that will scrub the World Wide Web for any information that would help shed light on this catastrophe.

Well, it turns out the press release was either wrong, or Hasbro made a change at the last minute. The helmet wouldn't go up for pre-order until September 16th. I mean, that's like forever from now. The NFL season will already have started by then, and I'm going to have to spend more time calculating at what ungodly morning hour I have to wake up to watch the "one o'clock" game. Who has time for this?

Anyway, I'm sure you're all as infuriated about this debacle as you were about the INT-4 fiasco. The internet rage is real. It's all Patrick's fault!!

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