Sound up…

This.  This is why 3.75” is, and always will be, the king of Star Wars collecting.

I was going to just leave that video above as the entire review, as I hoped it would capture all the things.  But Chris sternly reminded me of my contractual obligation to meet the minimum wordcount or else I don’t get paid, even though I don’t get paid.  So I reminded Chris of his contractual obligation to wear his Eli Manning Underoos whenever he speaks to me about my contractual obligation.  It would seem we’re at a bit of an impasse.  Nevertheless…

I saved this for the last review of the 3 new figures in the Jabba’s Court Denizens 4-pack [An overview of the set, including the repacked Ree-Yees, will be up tomorrow.] because I feel this one is the most important as to what it means for TVC.  VC286 Tessek is great because it updates a character that we’ve had for 40 years since Kenner in 1983.  Many of us remember it from childhood, and even if you’re too young for that, you at least are aware of its status as one of the root figures of world-building.  Squid Head was a nameless, weird, background alien with no speaking lines, and yet Kenner made him, keeping strong the tradition started by the cantina alien figures 6 years earlier.  The version not only updates even the more recent POTJ figure, but also brings it home for the O96 folks.  Meanwhile, VC287 Taym Dren-garen is an incredible release because not only does he speak no lines, he doesn’t even have the desirability of being a weird alien.  He’s just a guy that has never been made before.  But he is all over the palace, and he does have an iconic moment on the Khetanna as the guy who shoots Luke, and for that alone, he is a key addition to the line. 

All of that tertiary-ness pales in comparison to quaternary-ness of Velken Tezeri.  He is the epitome of world-building; of what 3.75” collecting is all about.  Tezeri has no speaking lines, he’s not an exotic alien, he doesn’t drive the skiff, and he doesn’t shoot anyone.  In fact, he doesn’t actually do anything but stand there and then die because Luke’s green blade whiffed in his vicinity.  In fact, in perhaps the ultimate indignity, his death scene was essentially ruined by bad editing when a different character altogether can be seen diving head first into the Sarlacc’s maw.  Velken’s only notable achievement (aside from the bad edit) is that he’s the first one to be eaten by the sarlacc, since somehow Kithaba, Luke’s first whiff-victim, manages to cling to the sand pit long enough to outlive him.  He’s not an O96er, and has never been made at any point in time.  He’s the least interesting and least important individual present on the prisoner skiff.  And that’s why it’s so amazing we have him.  In many respects, he has no business being an action figure.  But now that we have him - more than 40 years after the premiere of Return of the Jedi - we can COMPLETE THE CREW!  We have Velken Tezeri in The Vintage Collection…Velken Tezeri! So help me God, Velken Tezeri! 

The figure is tremendous (as are both Tessek and Dren-garen).  He’s a kitbash, with a few new parts, notably the chest, head, and arms (I believe).  While the upper legs are from the Cassian Ferrix trench-coat figure (like Dren-garen), I can’t quite place the lower legs/feet which are from a different figure (unlike Dren-garen).  However, just like the other two partial tools in the set, this just feels brand new.  Hasbro really didn’t cut corners, even accounting for the reused parts.  Velken is fully articulated with all the modern points.  You can pose Velken in almost any way you like.  And while he mostly just stands there, he does pop into an action stance (complete with a pair of bended elbows) for a blink of an eye before falling overboard, and you can faithfully recreate this moment due to his modern articulation.  He has an outstanding paint job, with some nice depth created for the leathery padded jack he wears.  The helmet/scarf combo reveals Velken’s eyes, and is removable.  The head underneath is exceptionally well done.  Unlike Taym, played by stuntman/actor Larry Holt who has many images on the internet, it seems Velken was uncredited, and I can find no good photos of the unmasked actor.  Either Hasbro had access to some archived imagery from the Lucasfilm vaults, or they just made up the face (or sculpted it to resemble some employee).  Velken has a standard skiff guard blaster which fits nicely in his holster, and can be firmly gripped in hand.  The details are great, and this is one of the better figures Hasbro has made.

With Velken, it would take next to nothing for Hasbro to make Nizuc Bek the guy who got his blaster Force-pulled by Luke (if you know what I mean) before falling into the Rancor pit.  And just as easy would be the third rancor keeper, Weeba Weeba, so let’s complete that crew!

You guessed it: Velken Tezeri gets a 10/10.  Hasbro listened, as we have been banging the drum for a while.  The pleas have come from many corners of the community, and Banthaskull was no exception, having done a few articles asking for this figure.  But it is with little doubt that our friend John Miko-something-something-lotsofletters and the team at The Star Wars Vintage Collection Facebook Group (Did I do that right?  I don’t know how to Tik-Tok) pushed this over the finish line with the Velken Tezeri Petition. 

[Note: Thanks to YouTube creator LearnToEditStuff for the template to do the above pub celebration video, based on the meme “Happiness comes from the simple things.”]