Banthaskull’s 2023 Vintage Collection Draft
This year, I took the remaining original Kenner figures that have yet to appear in TVC and assigned them in the draft to each NFL team. Is this insane? Is the audience for this article exclusively Randy? These are valid questions.
But give the list a read through anyway to see which classic figure I think would be a good fit for the Tennessee Titans with the 11th overall pick! Alright, the Carolina Panthers are on the clock in the Original 96 Vintage Collection draft.
Pick: 1
Team: Carolina Panthers
Player: Luke Skywalker
School: Texas A&M
Position: QB
No surprises here. The Panthers traded up for a QB, and they got their guy. There’s not much more that can be said about Skywalker. He’s a little short for a quarterback, but he’s the most elite prospect in this draft. This pick will reap rewards for years to come.
Pick: 2
Team: Houston Texans
Player: Princess Leia
School: UCLA
Position: QB
Texans make it a 1-2 QB draft. Leia has natural leadership skills and toughness that will serve her well at the next level. She’s been getting attention from a young age and still has a great upside even if she struggles a little out of the gate.
Pick: 3
Team: Arizona Cardinals
Player: Bossk
School: Florida
Position: Edge
This one is a bit of a surprise to see him go this high. Bossk is a strong prospect and he can be very successful in the right position. Fearsome, but sometimes gets caught standing around and misses opportunities to make plays.
Pick: 4
Team: Indianapolis Colts
Player: Rebel Commander
School: Kentucky
Position: QB
The Colts needed a quarterback here, so they went with a safe reliable pick. He’s not flashy, but all the pieces are there. He has flown under the radar for a few years but he absolutely meets a need here.
Pick: 5
Team: Seattle Seahawks
Player: A-Wing Pilot
School: LSU
Position: WR
The Seahawks get another speedster to pair with DK Metcalf. He can be reckless at times- running directly into contact instead of avoiding it, but he has a real chance at success if he’s allowed to fly.
Pick: 6
Team: Detroit Lions
Player: IG-88
School: Nebraska
Position: S
IG-88 is an unstoppable killer in the secondary. His tall lanky frame raises some durability concerns, but his build is very comparable to IG-11 who has not had issues. He’s a perfect fit for what Dan Campbell is trying to build in Detroit.
Pick: 7
Team: Las Vegas Raiders
Player: Barada
School: Michigan
Position: CB
Barada looks like a classic Al Davis pick. In the mold of Kithaba, he’s a scary-looking defender and he’s an immediate upgrade to what they have there to help sure up the backend.
Pick: 8
Team: Atlanta Falcons
Player: Han Solo
School: Texas
Position: RB
Some would question taking a runnung back anywhere in the first round let alone in the top 10, but the Falcons could not pass on someone like Solo. He’s got excellent speed and elusiveness, completing his combine run in less than 12 parsecs. Some questions about his physique, but we should expect significant improvement.
Pick: 9
Team: Chicago Bears
Player: Amanaman
School: Oregon
Position: OT
Amanaman has the outstanding size and length that you want in a tackle. He needs to work on movement, but the physical attributes are there. There are some questions with how he would fit on the line, but Chicago can be creative to get him out there.
Pick: 10
Team: Philadelphia Eagles
Player: Hammerhead
School: Miami (FL)
Position: DT
Philadelphia adds another gem on the defensive line with Hammerhead. He’s not flashy, but he’s got a quiet intensity and strong technique. He’s got legs like tree trunks. Very hard to push off the line. Should be a fan favorite.
Pick: 11
Team: Tennesee Titans
Player: FX-7
School: Georgia Tech
Position: OT
Interesting pick here. The Titans could have gone for a quarterback, but instead pick up FX-7. He’s built like a solid pillar with good arm usage. Maybe not the most popular choice, but a nice pickup.
Pick: 13
Team: Green Bay Packers
Player: Han Solo (Hoth)
School: Wyoming
Position: WR
After trading Aaron Rodgers, the Packers pick up a new weapon for Jordan Love. Solo has a great combination of speed and grit, and is well suited for playing on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.
Pick: 14
Team: New England Patriots
Player: Imperial Dignitary
School: Middle Tennessee State
Position: G
This one’s not going to sell a lot of jerseys, but he’s a perfect match for Bill Belichick. He may need to be eased into the lineup to give him enough support, but the need is definitely there.
Pick: 15
Team: New York Jets
Player: Rancor Keeper
School: Clemson
Position: DT
Rancor Keeper had a rough year. He plays with a lot of emotion which can get him into trouble. More of a run stopper than a pass rusher, he could perform well if paired with a beast on the defensive line.
Pick: 16
Team: Washington Commanders
Player: Death Squad Commander
School: Vanderbilt
Position: OT
Not sure about this one. Death Squad Commander really didn’t put a lot on film, so he’s hard to judge. But he’s had consistent buzz. Washington needs the help for sure, but there may have been better options.
Pick: 17
Team: Pittsburgh Steelers
Player: Ugnaught
School: Arkansas
Position: OL
Ugnaught has the hard-nosed lunchpail work ethic that the Steelers love. He’s tenacious, but his size might limit his ability to stick at tackle. Overdue pick for a team that has needed a guy like this for a few years.
Pick: 19
Team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Player: Ben (Obi-Wan) Kenobi
School: Rutgers
Position: QB
This is a shocker. Teams thought he was undraftable because of his age, but the Buccaneers have had recent success bringing in elderly quarterbacks. All the skill is there, but he’s still a tough sell without a strong supporting cast.
Pick: 21
Team: Los Angeles Chargers
Player: Anakin Skywalker
School: Notre Dame
Position: LB
Anakin has good ball skills, but he’s not a great tackler. Opponents can run right through him at times. The Chargers should be able to make use of his leadership and experience. He somehow looks younger now than he did a couple of years ago.
Pick: 22
Team: Baltimore Ravens
Player: Sy Snootles
School: Florida State
Position: WR
This could go either way. Sy Snootles is known as a diva in league circles, so there’s a risk pairing her with OBJ and Lamar Jackson. She’s looked terrible at times, so there are real questions about which version is going to show up for the Ravens.
Pick: 23
Team: Minnesota Vikings
Player: Chief Chirpa
School: Stanford
Position: QB
The vikings find a successor to Kirk Cousins who has shown good leadership. He needs some time to learn, as he has had issues understanding defenses. They hope he can develop some improved arm mechanics and mobility.
Pick: 24
Team: Jacksonville Jaguars
Player: Max Rebo
School: Alabama
Position: Edge
The Jags are in good position here and add a pass rusher who could surprise people. Rebo gets low and can do a lot with his feet. He might shy away from contact a bit too much, but it’s interesting to see what they could do with him.
Pick: 25
Team: New York Giants
Player: Blue Snaggletooth
School: LSU
Position: WR
There are questions about whether Blue Snaggletooth even belongs in the draft. But the Giants like a lot about him and are willing to take that risk. It might be tough to find the right place to put him into the lineup, but he’s a good depth piece that shouldn’t require a lot of tinkering.
Pick: 26
Team: Dallas Cowboys
Player: Greedo
School: North Texas
Position: RB
Surprising to see him fall out of the top 20. He’s a solid back, but he sometimes hesitates and lets defenders shoot first. There’s some debate about how much work he needs to be ready for the next level.
Pick: 27
Team: Buffalo Bills
Player: AT-AT Driver
School: Arkansas Tech
Position: TE
The AT-AT Driver is a nice addition. He can grind ahead for extra yardage. Not the fastest, but the Bills have speed elsewhere. It’s been awhile since they’ve invested in the position.
Pick: 28
Team: Cincinnati Bengals
Player: EV-9D9
School: Virginia Tech
Position: C
The Bengals really lucked out and got the player they were targeting from day 1 all the way down at 28. They need to protect Joe Burrow, and EV-9D9 is the kind of player who can command the line of scrimmage and dish out blocking assignments. Definitely a point of need and fits with everything they’re trying to do.
Pick: 29
Team: New Orleans Saints
Player: Warok
School: Wisconsin
Position: S
The Saints reach a little here and go with a safety who will probably make a mark more on special teams than defense. Warok didn’t do a ton to distinguish himself, but several quality prospects have come out of Wisconsin over the past few years.
Pick: 31
Team: Kansas City Chiefs
Player: Romba
School: Baylor
Position: WR
The Chiefs have the luxury of adding Romba who will likely end up as their primary kick returner. Romba had a low profile and could easily be forgotten, but he fits the mold of others who didn’t need much work before coming out.
Pick: 36
Team: Los Angeles Rams
Player: 8D8
School: Louisiana Tech
Position: Edge
8D8 was known for torturing quarterbacks at the conference level, but he may struggle to adjust to the speed on the pro game. The Rams can pair him with Aaron Donald and give him a chance to develop. He doesn’t add much newness to the defense, but that could make it an easier transition.
Pick: 37
Team: Denver Broncos
Player: C-3PO (Removable Limbs)
School: Kent State
Position: WR
Terrible pick. Without a first round pick Denver needed a good return here, but C-3PO is almost certain to be a dud. He’s slow. He lacks fluid hips. And he’ll be on injured reserve the first time someone pulls on his arm. There’s just not a good way to spin this.
Pick: 51
Team: Miami Dolphins
Player: Droopy McCool
School: Iowa
Position: TE
Miami goes for a teight end with a wide base and good hands. He was listed at 5’8” in college, but some say he’s even shorter than that. Could be a good option in the right package.
Pick: 74
Team: Cleveland Browns
Player: General Madine
School: Army
Position: ILB
With no picks until #74, the Browns settle on General Madine. He’s a solid backer and has experience calling signals, but he has the tendency to disappear in big games. Definitely a nice depth piece.
Pick: 99
Team: San Francisco 49ers
Player: 2-1B
School: Johns Hopkins
Position: Medic
The 49ers really go outside the box, picking Medical Droid 2-1B from Johns Hopkins. He won’t contribute on the field at all, but you could certainly argue that they would have been a Superbowl team if someone had been there to provide Brock Purdy with a robotic elbow during the NFC Championship game.
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