Editor’s Note:  Consider this a palette cleanser prior to our retrospective of TBS Phase I on Monday. 

It’s Rebels, so that’s good.  It’s 5POA and cartoony, so that’s bad.  Rebels is over, so that’s bad, but Rebels was good, so that’s good.  So for every good, there’s bad.  For every 10, there’s a zero.  Average it out and you get a 5, and that’s what I’m grading this set.  Thank you very much, everyone.  I’m out.  You’ve been great.

Please ignore that last thing.  I just checked my contract.  If I don’t meet my required word count, I have to change my name to Fart Pants Jones.  I just ordered some expensive Garfield checks. I can’t afford to change my name at this time. 

As mentioned in that very silly open, these figures are 5POA and cartoony, and those are two pretty big Bantha Skull strikes. The latter is really a subjective strike.  It’s just that we’ve invested thousands of dollars and hours in realistically styled 3.75” figures.  We don’t want to start new collections.  We want to continue growing (or improving) the one we have.  When figures are aesthetically or SCALISTICALLY incongruous with this thing we’ve been building for decades, it makes us grumpy.  The 5POA is an objective strike.  THEY DON’T DO STUFF!  Our very own Randy “The Randmeister” Randleton coined a great phrase.  I have it memorized like the back of my hand.  It goes,“5POA…NO WAY!”.  Good stuff.

Let’s start with Sabine Wren.  When the character was first described before the series premiered, I said, “Star Wars finally went full Poochie”. (Editor’s Note: CJ actually invoked Poochie with Rebels first).  LFL made it sound like she was a skate boarding, graffiti tagging, Mandalorian TO THE EXTREEEEEME! I was turned off.  But as your cartoon pal, Timer, said, don’t knock it ‘til you try it.  In the show, Sabine was a pretty cool character with a great arc.  Her Mandalorian armor is brightly colored in keeping with the aesthetic of the show.  It’s capture nicely and, for the most part, cleanly on the figure.  As a pistoleer, the frustrating 5POA straight-armed limitations aren’t as egregious with Sabine as it’s a natural aiming pose.  The big negative with this figure is the fact that it didn’t come with an alternate unmasked head.  On the plus side, the figure can stand easily, even if it’s with a lean to the right.  My Rogue One line season two Sabine figure stands about as well as Peter O’Toole after tee many martoonies.

The Stormtrooper just lays there like a slug.  It is its only defense.  The straight-armed pose is limiting here.  It’s not a natural pose for the E-11 blaster which is typically used in a THWG.  That’s impossible with this figure.  The paint apps are also less precise than the Sabine figure.  But then again, it will stand.  If that just reminded you of Doug Marcaida trashing someone’s weapon for five minutes on Forged in Fire, and then concluding with, “But it will kill. Good job,” then you’re an idiot.  That’s totally not what I was going for.  This is where we have to remind ourselves that this line is not meant for us collectors as the primary audience.  As a kid, I would have been blown away to basically get a Stormtrooper accessory with my figures.  These two-packs are a pretty sweet deal.  If Hasbro starting bringing out this type of product in the Vintage Collection where secondary characters are packed with that awesome upcoming Stormtrooper, I would probably start writing poetry about it. 

Do you remember in the open when I said this set is a 5?  I was pulling your leg.  It’s a 5.