In 2002, Hasbro took the phrase “go big, or go home,” to heart.  While the action figures themselves often left a lot to be desired, to the point of me breaking off my completism, the possibilities within the line felt boundless.  To wit, when Hasbro announced their third Fans’ Choice poll, they did something amazing.  They lifted all restrictions on which figure could win.  Previously, Ephant Mon wasn’t eligible due to the size of the figure.  Once that restriction was lifted, it was a fait accompli as to who the winner would be. Fans were very correct to make this choice, even though I admittedly did not (I honestly don’t remember who I voted for, except that it wasn’t Ephant Mon).  It’s hard to imagine that there would ever be another chance to get this character realized in the line.  Heck, I have a hard time imagining Hasbro even re-releasing this figure today at any price point.

Don’t get on my case about not voting for Ephant Mon.  I was in a weird place with the hobby back then.  I put much more emphasis on the Original 96 figures at the time.  I probably voted for Sim Aloo.  Hey, we all make mistakes when we’re younger.  Let he who hasn’t gotten obnoxiously drunk at a child’s birthday party cast the first stone!

I’m going to unbury the lead for once…well, bury it a little less.  I’m giving this an 8 out of 10, but it doesn’t excel as an “action” figure.  The reason for the score is largely due to the fact that it exists at all.  This mammoth mountain of plastic is testament to every bit of evangelism the reenergized 3.75” community has given toward the scale. The figure weighs eight pounds.  Neither quote me on that nor google it for confirmation because I just made that up.  But it weighs a lot.  If I chucked it at your head, it would give you a wicked lump.

This Ephant Mon is the equivalent of set decoration.  It’s purpose is just to stand there and flesh out your Jabba’s Palace display.  The character does not demand dynamic poses, which is good because the figure can’t achieve any despite ten points of articulation (a relatively high number for the time).  The head, shoulders, wrists, hips, waist and tail all swivel with an additional hinged joint at the jaw, making it one of only a few figures in the history of the line with an articulated mouth.  The unforgiving plastic molded robe, which is part of the torso sculpt, effectively restricts the lower body articulation, but there is a bigger issue with the robe.  It extends about 3 mm past the end of the feet.  This pushes the figure forward.  If it were not for the included cane, Ephant Mon will topple over forward when standing in a neutral pose.  It actually needs to lean on the cane to stay upright.  Unfortunately, neither hand securely grasps the knob of the cane, so the entire operation is a balancing act. If the cane slides even a fraction of an inch to the side, Ephant Mon go boom.

Mon’s vibroblade attaches to a strap on his leg via a peg similar to what is commonly done with saber hilts.  The blade then inserts into the end of his shillelagh to form a fearsome weapon.  From walking aid to weapon.  It’s straight out of James Bond or Monty Python or something.  It was a wise choice to do this with the vibroblade because the figure’s wide sculpted grip would never be able to hold it otherwise.  Of course, as mentioned above, when the cane is being used as a weapon, Ephant Mon has difficulty standing.  You need to fight with the plastic robes and twist the lower body so that one of the legs is forward enough to prevent topple-age.

None of this matters.  This figure just needs to stand there in your Jabba’s Palace display in celebration of the glorious world building 3.75” scale where things like this are possible.