So the NBA playoffs are underway, and a riveting 21-0 run by the Knicks in the 4th quarter sealed a Game 1 victory against Detroit.  I, along with 98% of Knicks fans, assume this will end at the hands of the Celtics in the next round.  Whatever, I’ll enjoy it while I can. So in the meantime, it’s time for a new installment of Banthaskull’s Review of the Eternally Terrible!  And by “new”, I mean it’s the first installment and also it’s likely to be the last.  These types of things are simply unknowable. 

Today we look at a figure from the Blue Saga collection.  I’m sure I’ve discussed this before, but at time of AOTC Midnight Madness, I was living in a studio in NYC with my then girlfriend, and we acquired the full slate of day one releases from the Times Square Toys R Us (RIP), which I believe included somewhere in the realm of 30 basic figures, give or take, along with various deluxe figures, beasts, and vehicles.  I had everything planned out where I would open a few items each day, over the course of the 2-3 weeks (whatever it was) before the film premiere.  I spread the love and joy over time, which was kind of cool but required a lot of patience and restraint.  I don’t really remember why, but I was particularly excited about opening this figure.  Maybe it was just because it was recognizable as an OT character and I would get to see its origins, or maybe it was because it looked like a dynamic and posable upgrade to the 2POA salt shaker that was the POTF2 ERG figure.

Let’s start with the packaging.  The Royal Guard (Senate Security) would appear to have the incorrect name.  According to Wikipedia, Chancellor Palpatine, during the Separatist crisis, formed his own personal “Red Guard” to be distinct from the blue “Senate Security” guards.  They are seen for the first time in AOTC, long before Palpatine declared himself Emperor of the First Galactic Empire, which then effectively transformed these guards into the “royal” type.  So not only are they not “Royal Guards” at the time of AOTC, they aren’t Senate guards either.  I often find myself wondering, over my years of collecting, who exactly makes these calls.  Is it Hasbro?  Is it LFL?  Was it just a simple error?  Or was this assumed correct at the time, but was later retconned to the explanation above?  Again, this may be unknowable.

The naming on the package should have been the initial indicator of the terribleness inside.  It seemed exciting at first because of the bright red coloring, the expanded articulation which would be facilitated by the pliable plastic robes, and the inclusion of an “electrostatic” effect to give purpose to the staff.  However, within mere seconds of releasing it from its plastic and cardboard prison, the Royal Guard was immediately revealed to be a hoax!  It should have been named the “Red Crap (Senate Suck).”  That actually would have been freakin’ awesome.  But then it wouldn’t have sucked anymore, so I would have wished they had called it “Red Guard (Senate Security), sending me into an infinite time loop from which there was no escape.  Man, that was close!

First, the coloring seems a bit to bright, but what do I know.  It certainly didn’t bother me at the time.  And who had time to be bothered by that, when you could be bothered by the articulation! 

Second, the articulation is poor, even for the day.  Like the POTF2 version from days of yore, the head was a separately sculpted piece but had almost no range of motion.  You could twist it like a coke bottle cap, and maybe get it to look about 5 degrees in either direction.  The arms had flat-plane shoulders and elbows.  Surely this was better than the the simple shoulder of the POTF2 figure.  Nope!  The elbow cuts were barely at any angle, so when turning, the elbows might give you about 10-15 degrees of bend.  Nearly useless.  The right hand is sculpted in such a way as to facilitate the “at rest” grip on the included staff, while just barely allowing a fencing move to extend the staff towards some “enemy” thing.  The legs have swivel hips, but even with the double layers of flexible robes, the legs really have no useful poses other than standing straight.  And of course, even if the range of motion was available for the hips, the lack of knees and ankles would render that useless anyway.

Third, the accessory is pretty weak, although not necessarily horrendous.  The staff itself is fine, and works when held at rest.  The included electrostatic effect is actually kinda neat, and is sculpted with a continuous groove to accommodate and slide onto the staff nicely.  But it’s way too long, and is tricky to pose without the figure falling over.  Also - it was never shown on screen, so it’s just a random thing to lose anyway.

And finally, the figure has this kind of wonky mild action pose where it’s sort of leaning a bit as if he’s about to get into an attack position, or maybe just reach back and scratch an itch on the back of his leg when no one’s looking. 

Even at the time, this figure didn’t really up the ante on the ERG, and effectively failed to supplant the POTF2 version.  You could have just stuck it in the background of a Senate display, until something better came along.

This was a disappointment at the time, and has been obsolete for a long time.  Nope, I do not like it.  3/10.