I have a mustache now, so you should expect all of your reviews to start with a story.  Who am I kidding?  My reviews always started with stories even when I was a plain lippy.  You want I should give you one thousand words on a 7 point of articulation figure from 2001 with obvious hinged knees and a pre-posed right arm? Knees that are only there to facilitate the sitting, as they do next to nothing to aid in the posing of the figure. The figure is a 5 out of 10, and is not nearly as interesting as the story itself.  Big whoop.  Wanna fight about it?  For those of you keeping track at home, that’s three Family Guy references in the opening paragraph.  See it you can spot them.  Circle them on your screen like a dentist office Highlights magazine and ruin it for everyone who comes after you.

The story, which most of you already know, is a long one, so buckle in.  Let’s start off with the fact that this is not Zutton.  Never was and never will be.  This is Zutmore from the Star Wars Holiday special:

This character is also the basis of the 1978 vintage Kenner Snaggletooth figure:

(click for the full sized image)

Clearly Kenner’s intent was to make one of the Snivvian characters from the cantina scene in A New Hope.  Those two characters are Zutton and Takeel.  The fact that Kenner pulled the ole switcheroo to a character from the verbotten Holiday Special actually wasn’t a big deal.  3.75” scale figures in 1978 had all the likeness fidelity of a stick figure drawing.  The human head sculpts were basically Lego mini-figures.  It was a game of horseshoes where “close enough” wins.  So the fact that Kenner based the figure on the correct alien species was good enough.

Fast forward to 2021, and the figures are so hyper-accurate to their on-screen counterparts that I’m pretty sure the recent Moff Gideon figure could unlock Giancarlo Esposito’s iPhone. For this reason, Hasbro had a dilemma when it came to making a modern counterpart of that vintage Kenner Snaggletooth.  Should they go with what that figure actually was (Zutmore) or what it was supposed to be (Zutton or Takeel)? At least initially, Hasbro is going with the latter as a Zutton figure was recently announced. I personally feel like this is the correct call (fix the vintage mistakes).  However, Hasbro did say that crossing off the Original 96 Snaggletooth would probably take three releases.  So we can assume that a Zumtore figure is coming sometime between now and when the asteroid strikes.

What’s the third release?  Well, that’s an even longer story, and you can see it in the side-by-side image in photo 17 above.

Lastly, I would like to say that basing The Force Awakens on this figure would have been better suited to J.J. Abram’s specialty.  For the entire movie, the audience would have known the character as Zutton.  Then in the final scene, he heads to the Mos Eisley cantina.  He spots a familiar face across the bar.  He strikes up a conversation with his fellow Snivvian, and asks his name.  The other Snivvian answers “Zutton.”

Then after the entirety of The Last Jedi focuses on the mystery of the two Zuttons, The Rise of Skywalker would provide absolutely no answer and reveal that the entire Star Wars Saga was just C-3PO’s dream.