By Darth Zirock (Age: 153)

Huh? What? It’s September already, and I haven’t written a column since June? You woke me up for that?! C’mere, you look feverish, and I need to take your temperature—with my boot! Actually, I’ve been making the rounds, but it’s only recently that I’ve been finding stuff at retail. So, I really had nothing to write about until now.